Thursday, May 28, 2015

Enough

Ten years ago, I married someone older and wiser.  I married him on the premise that “one day” we’d have it all, and he’s spent the last ten years trying to convince me that we already do.  It’s taken me ten years but today I want him to know that I finally believe him. 

Brent was brave enough to marry me two weeks after I graduated from college and two months before I began my first teaching job.  Our first year of marriage, I spent countless hours planning, worrying, grading, stressing, and micromanaging while he continually reminded me I was doing the best I could.  I cried every night for months, overwhelmed and wanting to quit.  He told me I could and that he would take care of me.  Then, I cried every night for months because I DID quit and he told me we’d figure it out, together.  The truth is he already had figured it out, but he also knew I had to figure it out for myself.  He’s spent the last eight years listening to endless school stories, looking the other way when I buy countless school supplies, and asking nightly what time I’ll be done grading papers so we can watch TV together.  He makes me feel like Teacher of the Year every day with his patience and support, and he always reminds me that I AM good enough when I doubt.

Brent and I stay busy with work and church.  We’re both perfectionists and overachievers and it’s easy to lose each other in the midst of our schedules and to-do lists.  Our Type-A personalities are both what attracted us to each other in the first place and a constant risk to our relationship if we don’t keep things in perspective.  It’s easy to say things will slow down “one day” but in truth, today is all we’re promised.  Brent and I watch Jeopardy together (most) every night while we eat dinner and we go to bed at the same time every night so we can talk while we fall asleep, even if it’s our first real conversation of the day.  In the past ten years, I’ve learned that ten minutes together in a day can be enough if it’s a quality, truly connected ten minutes.  

Brent loves to travel.  When I married him, I could count on one hand the times I’d been on a plane.  I liked the idea but I also liked my own bed.  But with Brent, I’d go anywhere.  He’s organized and prepared but more than that, he’s fun, laid-back and excited.  He loves to experience new things and I love to experience new things with him.  When we were first married, Brent traveled a lot for work and I had to get used to him being gone about one week a month.  At first I didn’t like it, but soon enough I figured out it meant more frequent flier miles.  I’ve cried in airports over missed flights, over-packed and left him carrying my luggage and his, whined through jet lag, and dug my fingernails into his arm during bumpy flights, but he’s still letting me tag along.   I hope he never stops because I’ll never get enough!

Brent and I had a list of places we wanted to visit “before we had kids.”  Four years into our marriage, we thought we’d done enough and we started trying to have baby.  As weeks turned into months, and months turned into years, it became evident that things weren’t going to turn out like we’d planned.   I was back to crying every night, but this time because I thought I would never be enough and that a life without children could never be enough.  Brent held me and told me every single night that I was wrong and that I had always been and always would be enough for him.  He’s proven that not only with his words but with his actions.  I can’t imagine ever feeling more loved, cared for, protected, or cherished by anyone than I do by this man.  He’s tirelessly been my truth, my compass, and my light when I’ve feared the darkness might drown me.  Life with him by my side has been and will always be enough.

Today my advice is this: choose to be with someone who both IS enough and who makes you feel like you ARE enough, every single day.   The word enough is defined as “equal to what is needed.”  I’m so grateful God sent me the person who has been exactly what I need for the past ten years and who will continue to be just that.

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