Ten years ago, I
married someone older and wiser. I
married him on the premise that “one day” we’d have it all, and he’s spent the
last ten years trying to convince me that we already do. It’s taken me ten years but today I want him
to know that I finally believe him.
Brent was brave
enough to marry me two weeks after I graduated from college and two months
before I began my first teaching job. Our
first year of marriage, I spent countless hours planning, worrying, grading,
stressing, and micromanaging while he continually reminded me I was doing the
best I could. I cried every night
for months, overwhelmed and wanting to quit.
He told me I could and that he would take care of me. Then, I cried every night for months because
I DID quit and he told me we’d figure it out, together. The truth is he already had figured it out,
but he also knew I had to figure it out for myself. He’s spent the last eight years listening to
endless school stories, looking the other way when I buy countless school supplies,
and asking nightly what time I’ll be done grading papers so we can watch TV
together. He makes me feel like Teacher
of the Year every day with his patience and support, and he always reminds me
that I AM good enough when I doubt.
Brent and I stay busy
with work and church. We’re both
perfectionists and overachievers and it’s easy to lose each other in the midst
of our schedules and to-do lists. Our
Type-A personalities are both what attracted us to each other in the first
place and a constant risk to our relationship if we don’t keep things in
perspective. It’s easy to say things
will slow down “one day” but in truth, today is all we’re promised. Brent and I watch Jeopardy together (most)
every night while we eat dinner and we go to bed at the same time every night
so we can talk while we fall asleep, even if it’s our first real conversation
of the day. In the past ten years, I’ve
learned that ten minutes together in a day can be enough if it’s a quality, truly
connected ten minutes.
Brent loves to
travel. When I married him, I could
count on one hand the times I’d been on a plane. I liked the idea but I also liked my own
bed. But with Brent, I’d go
anywhere. He’s organized and prepared
but more than that, he’s fun, laid-back and excited. He loves to experience new things and I love
to experience new things with him. When
we were first married, Brent traveled a lot for work and I had to get used to
him being gone about one week a month.
At first I didn’t like it, but soon enough I figured out it meant more
frequent flier miles. I’ve cried in
airports over missed flights, over-packed and left him carrying my luggage and
his, whined through jet lag, and dug my fingernails into his arm during bumpy
flights, but he’s still letting me tag along. I hope he never stops because I’ll never get
enough!
Brent and I had a
list of places we wanted to visit “before we had kids.” Four years into our marriage, we thought we’d
done enough and we started trying to have baby.
As weeks turned into months, and months turned into years, it became
evident that things weren’t going to turn out like we’d planned. I was back to crying every night, but this
time because I thought I would never be enough and that a life without children
could never be enough. Brent held me and
told me every single night that I was wrong and that I had always been and
always would be enough for him. He’s
proven that not only with his words but with his actions. I can’t imagine ever feeling more loved,
cared for, protected, or cherished by anyone than I do by this man. He’s tirelessly been my truth, my compass,
and my light when I’ve feared the darkness might drown me. Life with him by my side has been and will always be
enough.
Today my advice is this: choose to be with someone who both IS enough and who makes you
feel like you ARE enough, every single day. The word enough is defined as “equal to what is needed.” I’m so grateful God sent me the person who
has been exactly what I need for the past ten years and who will continue to be
just that.
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