The Hardest Question

Kids almost always speak what’s on their mind.  That’s one of the things I love about them.  It’s also one of the things that drives me craziest about them.  Especially when I’m asked the hardest question, the one I’ve yet to figure out how to answer, the one that inevitably comes more often than I’m prepared for (and seemingly more so this time of year):  “Mrs. Jones, don’t you want to have kids?”

I always smile, pat the unassuming, innocent fourth grader on the head or back, and say, “Of course, I’d love to have kids one day.”  They always smile and nod, satisfied with the answer, because in reality, they were just making sure I genuinely like them as much as I seem to.  They can’t imagine why someone who loves being with them as much as I obviously do wouldn’t want my own little person to come home to.  So, I assure them that I’d like nothing more, with a smile and a simple answer.  That’s the easiest and only way to explain it to a nine-year-old.  

But sometimes, I stop and consider how I’d answer if I could actually be honest.  If I could speak the truth when asked the hardest question, I’d reply with these words:  “I want to have a child the way most people want to win the lottery.”  At this point, it certainly feels like my odds are similar in both situations.  I can’t imagine it actually happening but if it did, I’d be thrilled beyond imagination.  I’d thank the Lord, thank my lucky stars, check and double check the facts to make sure it was true, and quite possibly hire a skywriter to announce the news.  Then, I’d start praying in earnest that I could handle such a tremendous and long-awaited blessing with grace, with poise, and with faithfulness to the God who gives perfect gifts. 

With that said, I don’t gamble much.  I’m just as content with what I already have in my possession as I am with the prospect of going double or nothing.  In the same way that I don’t buy a handful of lottery tickets each week, I haven’t put it all on the line for a chance at a child of our own the way many would expect someone in my situation to do.  I would never, ever judge a person for any risk they took in this area, because the reward is certainly worth the risk (considerably more so than is the case with the lottery).  But for me, there has been greater reward than I ever could have imagined in learning to be content here and now, without taking a risk at all.

Technically, the person who buys one lottery ticket has a fair chance to win just as much as the person who buys 1,000.  Especially if you believe, as I do, that there’s a higher power picking the numbers, and He knows best- every. single. time.  

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, 

because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists 

and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”  

-Hebrews 11:6