I've
always been a countdown person. How many
days until summer? How many months until
graduation? How many weeks until I get
married? I faithfully kept up with
answers to questions like this for the first twenty-some years of my life,
always waiting on the next big event. As
a teacher, it’s been so tempting to live my life from quarter to quarter and school
year to school year, always waiting on this part to be over and the next part
to begin.
Until
one countdown, perhaps the most important countdown in life, didn't pan out…the
one where I counted down until Brent and I would start our family. We decided on a month and I patiently waited,
counting off my last birthday before I got pregnant, our last big trip before
kids, the last school year I wouldn't be balancing my own child with
twenty-some children at school. However,
soon I realized that this countdown was in God’s control, not mine. As the months ticked by, it became evident
that I very well may have been counting down to nothing. And that’s exactly what it felt like: a big,
black hole of nothing that threatened to swallow me alive if I didn't change my
perspective (and fast).
I
wish I could say that I am a fast learner, but this change in perspective has
taken years (and a lot of help from God and those He’s placed in my life) to
fully develop. Now, more than four years
past when this countdown was supposed to be over, I realize that it’s not about
a countdown at all. Nothing is. For those first twenty-something years of my
life, I had it all wrong. Life isn't
about that next big event or what happens next.
It’s about today and what’s happening now.
I
believe Philippians 3:16 says it best: “Only
let us live up to what we have already attained.” Not what we might attain one day- what we
have already attained! We already have
all we need in Christ Jesus. We already
are who He intended us to be.
Today. Not maybe one day. Now.
So
I’m done with countdowns. Who I may or
may not be one day, what I may or may not have eventually, where I could
possibly be weeks, months, years from now…none of that is a guarantee. What matters is who He says I am today…first
and foremost a follower of Him, but so many other things as well…a wife, a
teacher, a friend... That’s what this
blog is about: being the best I can be today, for Him and for whomever He
places in my path.
I
pray it will inspire someone to do the same...
Beautifully written friend! I pray about so much of what you spoke of in this piece. ..thank you for sharing! ♥
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Suzanne. I pray about this stuff all the time too...it's not easy, but I do believe it's true!
ReplyDeleteHey Deana, My name is Donna and I am a friend of your Mom. I have been where you are right now as in wanting a child and wondering why God would not let me have one. I still can't answer that but God did give me a child to raise as my own. She is a beautiful 19 year old girl that I adopted at birth. I don't see how I could love her anymore than I do. I went through a lot trying to get pregnant and did get pregnant 2 times and had miscarriages. I know now that I am older that if my life would have went my way I would not be as close to the Lord as I am now. So I am at the place in time that I think God for all that I have been through. It has made my walk with him a lot closer. I also prayed for God to take my desire for a child away. If I was never going to have one then take away the desire for one. God is good and when we hurt he hurts. I know he loves me and He allowed be to raise a child and I am grateful He gave me the desires of my heart. They were not answered like I wanted but God knows best. I will never know a lot of things like when Moms take about when they were pregnant and carrying a child or giving birth. God allowed me to raise a daughter from birth and I am hopefully doing His will for my life. I pray you will get the desires of your heart soon. May God bless you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your words of wisdom and encouragement. I appreciate your honesty! I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason and God knows best, even when things are hard for us to understand. Thanks for your prayers!
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